51 msfocusmagazine.org made the volleyball team. Then, in our very first meeting – this happened. Might I add, this belittling came directly after the coach spoke about how we would all become one "great big family!" What Sam did next absolutelysurprised me. While Iwas overwhelmedwith embarrassment andworryforSam,shephysicallyleanedagainst me (her version of a silent hug). When we left, my "growing more independent" little lady, in front of all these people, grabbed my hand and held it all the way to the door, whispering, "Mom, it’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay." Tears still well up in my eyes just reflecting on this memory. I had never been more proud of my child! I had also never been so angry. It is my job to console my child. It is not my child's job to console me. I was furious at that coach – for her ignorance, for pointing out a difference in a brand new group of people, for putting that burden of consolation on my child's shoulders. Her behavior was out of line. Once we made it into the van, I got myself together (I was only a mess on the inside) and flipped the script, putting Sami and myself back in our rightful roles and helping guide her through a tough situation. We just sat together in the van for a little bit. Sam spoke first, and said “I used to reallylike that lady. She was nice.” I told her everyone makes mistakes, and it’s always a good idea to lean to the side of kindness, and never make assumptions about people. I continued to say that I am sure she is a lovely person; she just made a bad choice with her words and actions. We decided we would give her another chance. Thatwas extraordinarilyhard to do at the time. It was important that I modeled appropriate behavior for our child. In complete honesty, I truly expected this coach to approach us the next time we saw her, and offer an apology. Unfortunately, even aftermultiple interactions, that never occurred. My husband and I are firm believers in using a problem-focused method of coping with stress or stressful situations. I’ve written about this approach and believe it holds true to everyday life. In short, when facing a problem that causes stress, one can sit back and fuss. Or by using a problem-focused approach, a person can take direct action on the situation that caused the stress. In our example, we could have directly approached the coach, but in this instance Sami and I were far too emotionally distressed to have a positive exchange with the coach. Instead, after the meeting ended,we removed ourselves from the situation quietly, engaged in processing the situation, and made a plan on how to interact with the coach in future meetings. We did not let the situation define who we are. We also did not make the coach into a terrible person because of her actions towards us. As much as I hate MS, I hate it more forwhat it continues to do to my Sami. Her shoulders are growing broader, but my burdens should not be on those shoulders. My role as her mother is to protect her from as much of the burden of this disease as possible. But when I cannot, my role is to model and teach her how to appropriately handle these burdens and frustrations. Whether I have an illness, or am a perfectly healthy parent, her life will not be void of stressful situations. Thus, instead of sitting back and fussing over situations that may come out of left field, so to speak, I'm using these opportunities to educate her on how to handle stress. We all will experience stress, so why not ‘flip the script,’ and use the experiences we have as preparation for life for our children? Who knows, maybewewill teach them to grow with grace and class, and further contribute to them becoming amazingly loving and empathetic adults.