12 msfocusmagazine.org By Gayle Lewis, Ph.D, MSCS It is not uncommon for people with MS to also be caregivers. Like anyone else, they may be providing care for their parents, children, siblings, and/ or their significant other. Caregiving is a stressful undertaking under the best of circumstances, but there can be substantially greater levels of stress to be dealt with when the caregiver is also struggling with the effects and uncertainty of MS. The demands of dealing with your own health, compounded with supporting and caring for someone else, can certainly take their toll. This can have an effect on each partner in the care relationship, and on the relationship itself. So how do you balance taking care of your own needs and those of the person to whom you provide care? Secure your mask first Self-care is atop the list of things I recommend to anyone who is providing care for someone else, regardless of whether the person providing the care has MS or another health condition. I often remind people of the way flight attendants tell passengers about the oxygen masks on planes. Should there be a decrease in air pressure on a plane, a mask will drop down to you. You are instructed to put an oxygen mask on yourself first, before putting one on someone else in your care. If you cannot breathe, you cannot help anyone. Similarly, it’s important to ‘take a breather’ as a caregiver, monitoring your own tiredness and taking breaks when needed. Make sure you schedule and keep your own doctor’s appointments, and get the right emotional support too. If you attend a support group for people with MS, you may want to attend a caregiver support group too, or accompany the person in your care to a support group for their condition. And, of course, do not forget about eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Ask for help The second thing I recommend is honest assessment. You must realistically assess your own strengths and limitations to know what can and cannot reasonably be done to help yourself or your partner. Sometimes, outside help is needed. This can mean swallowing your pride – not an easy thing for many to do. In fact, it can feel quite scary, which is why so many people forego asking for help at all. But when you don’t reach out, you leave yourself and your care partner isolated. You don’t reap the advantages you might get if you just asked. While challenging for many, it is important to openly communicate with your care partner. Share your honest self-assessments. This will allow you and your care partner to know what each of you can provide for the other, and what you can each provide for Life with MS When a Caregiver Has MS