yourselves in terms of self-care. This open communication will help you identify areas of need, giving you a clear idea of when and where you need to seek outside assistance. If one or both of you already regularly get outside assistance (as a result of having asked for help – bravo!) but find you need more help, have a frank conversation with the people who help you. Use this time to find out if they are willing to either take on a more prominent assistance role, so that you or your partner have more opportunities for self-care. Sometimes caregivers are already maxed-out and not able to take on more responsibility. If that’s the case, and you know you need help, keep looking for ways to get it. Tap into your broader base of support – family and friends that you know you can turn to for help. One solution would be having a family/support team meeting – either in person or by conference call. This can be a valuable and effective way to make sure everyone on the care team is on the same page. If you find that not all your needs can be met this way, contacting an MS organization, suchasMSFocus,tohelpwiththecoordination of care for you and/or your loved one can sometimes be the best direction to take. The situation of both care partners having health issues can be overwhelming at times. It can also be an opportunity to find ways to work together, to recognize and acknowledge strengths, to better understand each other, to connect more fully with each other, and to experience gratitude for the help that is available to you. 13 msfocusmagazine.org Dealing with Denial I recentlyhad an experience moderating a group of support partners of people diagnosed with MS. I asked if any of them felt angry about their partner’s MS.Without skipping a beat, one support partner began to shout, “What is there to be angry about? It’s a waste of time and energy to be angry!” He scoffed at the idea that some people do, in fact, feel anger at dealing with their partner’s MS – though he sure sounded angry in the way he rebuffed my question. Unfortunately, amongst patients and their support partners, I’ve found that too few people are allowing themselves to recognize the effects that a serious health condition has on their lives. Many people do not want to face the seriousness of their or their partner’s disease, which leads to flat-out ignoring what it is doing to both the patient and their support partner. However, in refusing to acknowledge what is and what might be, they are missing out on learning the constructive ways that MS can be addressed. Ignoring reality, even if you think it’s the best way to move forward, will only lead to more problems. Suppressing feelings is a surefire recipe forthose feelings to emerge in unwanted, uncontrolled ways. If we take the time to pay attention and understand what MS, or another chronic illness, is doing to us and those around us, it can be dealt with in a more manageable and self-directed way.