31 msfocusmagazine.org beginning my sentences with "I”, not “you.” If I did lose my temper, I acknowledged my inappropriate behavior and apologized for it. Being a demanding, dictatorial parent is not in our kids’ best interest, under any circumstance. We realized that if we wanted to continue to have a good relationship with our kids, we had to bury the belief that we deserved their respect and obedience simply because we held the power at the time. Our motivation became the Golden Rule: Treat people the way you would want to be treated. One day, your children will be in a position to treat you as they were treated. That’s a sobering thought. It’s not easy having a parent with a disability, so let your kids know that their help and understanding are appreciated. Give them compliments. Tell them how proud they make you. Say please and thank you. We all need to knowthat ourefforts arevalued. Fears and realities Our son once worried that girls wouldn't want to marry him because he had a mom who was disabled. As you can imagine, at times like that I felt like my presence in their lives was a burden and perhaps their lives would be easier if I weren’t here. But I know that as parents, no matterwhat our challenges are, we have an irreplaceable role and a responsibility to love, guide, and provide a safe and stable home for our children. Today, our son and daughter are wonderful adults with spouses and children of their own. My MS didn’t ruin their lives. If anything, it made them stronger, more compassionate, and more capable than many adults with less dramatic and stressful upbringings. When Children Provide Care Having children help us with personal tasks like toileting, grooming, feeding, and giving injections presents many questions. What’s appropriate? How old should a child be? What’s too much for a child to handle? Every situation is different. Your level of disability, the child’s age, physical size, and emotional maturity are all important factors to consider. When you have questions or concerns about how to handle your need for help and the level of responsibility you are expecting from your child(ren), I encourage you to seek help from outside resources. Consider consulting and sharing your concerns with the following professionals: • Your child’s pediatrician, primary care/family doctor, or a pediatric psychologist • Mental health professionals who have experience counseling families where a parent has a chronic illness like MS • Your neurologist and/or MS Clinic professionals • A school psychologist MS Focus and other MS organizations may also be able to suggest resources in your community to help you discuss how to appropriately involve children in meeting your special needs.