39 msfocusmagazine.org These intentional family members can be anyone who takes part in helping keep us afloat. This can include, for example: • Neighbors, who might bring a casserole or ask if we need anything when they’re going to the store • Coworkers, who pick up the slack when we’re out sick • Our medical team, including pharmacists, who answer questions and help us get treatments we need • Parentsofourchildren’sfriends, who assist with ride sharing to and from school, with after-school events, and who also watch our children while we attend a doctor’s visit, or simply need to rest • Local services we can count on to make life easier – think grocery delivery services such as ‘Insta-cart’ or Wal-Mart’s same-day pickup. While it is important that we have our intentional caregiving family established prior to a relapse or a time of need, it’s equally important to remember we can provide care, too! For many of us, our MS waxes and wanes. When we aren’t in need ourselves, we can be a part of someone else’s intentional caregiving family. For example, I have damage from relapses that makes it difficult for me to walk, but I can still find many ways to provide care to others, even if it’s just calling to check on how they’re doing. This give-and-take caregiving relationship benefits everyone involved. Like those fire ants, during a relapse or time of need, lock arms with your intentional caregiving family to stay afloat. Once the storm passes for you, be prepared to assist someone else who is weathering their own storm. These intentional family members can be anyonewho takes part in helping keep us afloat. Caution in Using Children as Caregivers In a recent study by my colleague and I, we discovered that the intentional caregiving family included spouses, partners, parents and grandparents, and, finally, children. While children can be a help for us during a time of relapse, I caution against overburdening children with providing care to their parents. Make sure to select only caregiving tasks that are appropriate to their age and relationship to the person receiving care. For example, asking a child to as- sist with brushing a parent’s hair or tying a parent’s shoes is fine. Asking a child to assist a parent in bathing and toileting may not be. Asking a teen to be responsible for cooking is age-appropriate. Asking an elementary school aged child to cook hot meals could put the child in danger. If you are not sure whether something is a reasonable and appropriate task for your child to aid in your care, ask their pediatrician.