19 msfocusmagazine.org Constant communication Subscribing to the idea that “Silence is golden” has the potential to bankrupt any caregiving relationship, especially when it comes to the invisible nature of MS symptoms. It’s better to invest in talking, explaining, and describing what you’re experiencing with your MS. But, it’s just as important to diversifyyour caregiving relationship portfolio and ask your spouse and caregiver what they’re experiencing. Listen to where they’re coming from. See how you can strengthen each other in this shared challenge. Two-way empathy It’s easy for those of us with MS to feel that others just don’t understand what we’re going through. Chances are, they probably don’t. But, by the same token, can they also say we don’t understand what they’re going through as the spouse or caregiver of someone living with MS? Take the time to put yourselves in the shoes of others while they walk or roll a mile in yours. This can help to make facing the challenges of MS more like a shared attack against a common enemy, rather than one-sided battles for understanding between two members of the same team. Are we lucky that we both have MS? Not really, because luck leaves too much to chance and gives us little control. Rather, we think of it more as giving ourselves the power and agency to control our caregiving relationship through communication and empathy. We’re wishing you all the best as we collectively move forward with our lives with MS and the shared relationships we have with our spouses and caregivers. How do you help your caregiver balance all their responsibilities and still create time for themselves? Debbie Sliwoski Hudock: I really believe it is very important for caregivers to go for a walk outside once in while, and the people they care for also need that break. It's all good and fine to help, but everybody needs breathing room. You can only be a good caregiver if you take time to care about yourself as well. Kathleen Crudele: I fell recently and without the support of my husband, it would have been a disaster. It is as stressful for our caretakers as it is for us. I always took care of everyone even having MS, and now I receive help from everyone. After this fall, we had help from a home service agency. With their help it gives my husband a bit of a break. At these times, he may go work in the garden, take walks with the dogs, and he goes to a local restaurant with colleagues once a month. Love a caretaker. They are special people! We thank all of you. Jessica Lowhorn Petroff: I’m still very independent. When I do have a relapse that sets me back, I make sure to ask for outside help so everything doesn’t fall on my husband. Our parents are retired, so they help chauffeur to appointments, make meals, or anything else that we may need. It's a balancing act, but I do my best to make sure my husband, or anyone who is helping take care of me, isn't over- loaded, which in turn keeps everyone from getting burnt out.