b'Life with MSCCaarriinnggffoorrtthheeCCaarreeggiivveerrBy Marissa BenniIhavebeentryingtothinkofhowtomust care for ourselves rst before caring for begin, and the only way that keeps coming toothers. That always sounds great in theory, mind is Help! but I cannot remember the last time I was able I am a 43-year-old woman with relapsing- to put myself rst. It truly is so much easier remitting multiple sclerosis, caring for mysaid than done. I, like other caregivers, am 80-year-old mother with dementia at home.still trying to nd a balance of self-care while Our ages and diagnoses may differ, but somemeeting the needs of those I care for.daily life problems are the samecognitiveOn disability at this point, I cannot work in issues, fatigue, balance, coordination, moodthe capacity I once had because of recurring swings, etc. The list could probably go on andrelapses and the unpredictable nature of my on. Did I mention our cognitive issues andMS. I should be using this time on disability memory struggles? to take care of myself and my own health Question: Who is forgetting what today?needs, be present for my 9-year-old daughter, The answer: Both of us. And then also comesmake this home life with my life partner the our trouble with word-nding. The great Pinkbest it can be under the circumstances, etc. Floyd lyrics come to mind, the words speakingHowever, my mother has become the center to my mother and me: Hello, is there anybodyof all our worlds, and her care needs exceed in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is therethose mentioned above.anyone home?It is somewhat like having a toddler again I am my mothers only child, so the dutybut with way more resentment. Oh, the lies solely on me to care for her. I do not wantbitterness! I resent it when my mother does to complain, but I do. As a child, you nevernot offer to help me. That same resentment imagined you would be the one caring for aemerges whensheofferstohelpme with parent, but you know the spielso many ofsomething (anything), knowing she can no us are dealing with similar issues every day.longer do so. Some anger stems from her The parent should, in theory, be caregivinglifelong battle with alcoholism, although for us, helping us as their offspring, but lifecontrolled under my care. That is another story.will always throw us curveballs, and so hereImaysoundterrible,butIknowsome we are. have it much worse. I do not want to sit here We are often reminded about self-care; weand say, poor me. I write this not to wallow msfocusmagazine.org 40'