b'Life with MSMS, Intimacy and AgingBy Matt CavalloWhen we see the word intimacy, most automaticallyassociateitwithsexual relationships. One concern for those living with MS is how will MS affect my sex life? As I climb into my mid-40s, I am now struggling with the question of whether it is MS affectingthere was anything I could have done to make my sex life, or is it aging? it better. However, at the time, I was just I was diagnosed with MS in 2005 at 28learning how to live with a chronic disease. years old. I had been married to my wife forThose conversations were too hard, especially only three years and became nonfunctionalif the doctor or medical assistant in the room from the waist down. Not only was I unable towas the opposite sex.walk and my legs were numb, but I also wasWhen I say everything went back to normal, unable to go to the bathroom on my own andmy functionality returned and we welcomed had numbness in my privates. I had to use aour rst son in 2007 and our second in 2009. catheter to urinate, and I cannot recall havingWhen my rst son was born, that was two an erection for many months after myyears after my diagnosis, so I felt that I was all diagnosis. I became depressed and began tothe way back. Fast forward 16 years later and think the intimate part of my life was over.intimacy is being affected again. This time I My ability to walk returned long before myam having trouble deciding whether it is MS, ability to perform in the bedroom. In myaging, or both. Physically, everything is still deepest darkest moments, I thought I wasfunctioning properly. There is no numbness in never going to be able to have children. At justthe private area or in the legsthat resolved 28, I was completely devastated and had nevera long time ago. The problem I am having is experienced anything like this before. I wasmore to do with fatigue and the desire to be scared, depressed, and worst of all, I was toointimate. And to be more specic, the desire embarrassed to talk to anyone about itnotto be intimate does not have to do with my even my doctorso I suffered in silence.wife, but rather my lack of a sex drive. Then one day, I awoke and like magic,Our kids are now 14 and 12, so by the time everything seemed to return to normal. I dontwe are done taking them to their sports or know if I was overcome with joy or relief, butfriend activities, I am exhausted. I typically oncethathappened,thefear,shame,andgo to bed between 8-8:30 on any given embarrassment disappeared. In hindsight, Inight. Food also makes me feel bloated and wish I had talked to a doctor about it to see ifunattractive, so being intimate after a meal, msfocusmagazine.org 38'