b'Life with MSI gured that people I already knew wouldrelationship with me. I still needed to take be open to hearing about what was happeningcare of myself. My thoughts leaned toward to me both physically and mentally, but how andselshness in a relationship at that time; I when would I disclose this kind of informationwas not ready to be seless. My diagnosis to someone new in my life? Would knowledgehad led me down an unfamiliar path wherein of my illness be intimidating? I did not lookI had to be self-serving. like a person who needed help (we know thatYYiinnaannddyyaannggMS is often an invisible disease), so I was comfortable working and spending time withI was still a woman who wanted to be involved friends. I even found that when I needed to usewith a partner, but I was very unsure of how. an assistive cane to walk, it was not a problemI simply went on living a social life where I in these situations. But would my MS becomewould casually date and hang out, but when it a barrier to nding romance? Could this aspectcame time to talk about my MS and disclose of my life be a boundary that would stop mesymptoms, I backed away, fearing that would from building that relationship? be the end of our relationship. I kept thinkingC that if only I would nd someone like me, Coouullddwweebbeeffririeends?nds? with MS, that could be an ideal partnership. In the past, I dated men casually, notThere would be no detailed explaining of why planning on settling down. I was not ready toI felt bad or tired and no what if fears. We be a signicant other at that time. I enjoyedcould be copacetic as our lifestyles would likely being spontaneous and having fun. Gettingbe agreeable.that call to pack a bag and be at the airportAnd one day, out of the blue, that did happen. for a quick weekend trip was not unheard of inI found the Yin to my Yang. We met as friends my lifebut this would no longer be as simple.and quickly started dating. We had fun without I needed to pack my medications. I needed tofear as it was nice to share time without know where I would be going so I could packexplaining why. We felt comfortable, shared temperature-appropriate clothing. I was noour goods and bads; we laughed and cried longer able to be that adventurous. This certainlytogetherwe were good MS teammates. But was not easily accepted by everyone and it madespending time with a mirror image eventually me feel like a potential disappointment. became monotonous and we both realized that I had to accept the fact that I was at a pointwe wanted more. Maybe we were too similar? where I felt more comfortable being alone, asThe romance came to an end, yet we remained I could not imagine disappointing a man whofriends.wanted to be involved with me. Could we beAs a result of that time, I learned that I did friends? Sure. But a man devoting his life towant a committed relationship that would a disabled partner seemed too farfetched forexpand my life. Being part of a permanent me to believe. couple or being someones wife had never At this time, being involved romantically ledbeen ideas that had been mandatory for me. me to realize that it was mostly the friendshipIn fact, I had never searched for that companion I truly desired as I was still focused on my so when it happened, it just happened.msfocusmagazine.org 14'