b'and even pushed a great love away becausethe rst step in writing the blueprint for my at the time, I didnt think they could love merevived happiness, in spite of what I was in spite of. going through. More importantly, I was scared of no longerSomeone whom I love and respect very being the person he initially fell in love with.much reminded me that life is eeting and WhatIlaterfoundout wasthathe wasathis phrase couldnt have been more tting beautiful mirror for me, but when my cracksduring my trying times. It was also the reminder started to show and the reection was not asI needed to show up as I am, meet myself clear from my side, instead of being vulnerablewith love, and if Im having a tough time, and trusting him, I pushed him away emotionally.allow myself the space I need. Talk about it. I didnt want him to look at me differentlySeek professional help. Process it in a healthy because of what my body might go through andway, but dont retract from those who I know how I would be different because of my neware in my corner, because the time lost is realities.SomethingsIhadgonethroughsomething we can never get back.(such as temporary paralysis) and some I hadFirst steps on the pathnot, but the fear was still very real. And at theFirst steps on the pathtime, fear was winning.Let my words serve as a template to the A love letter you never have to write. I promise Anneewwbblluueepprriinntt that you are bigger than whatever life may Couple my healths unfortunate strugglesthrow your way and you are possible enough with other life-altering events that wereto overcome it; but dont push your people occurring, it would have been fair to say I wasaway. Those who love you will ght for you not in the best space. But, when two of myand theyll understand when life hands you closest friends sat me down and told me ityour worst, you may not be your best. And was okay to not be okay, I recognized it wasthats okay, too. If I can be of any help to you time to get help. I opened up again to myasyoutraveltheunknownhighwayof circle and I got really vulnerable, which waschronic illness, take these two bits of advice: so uncomfortable, but it was necessary. And1. Get a support system that is willing to pull the relationships I could mend, I made everyup on you if even your Hello sounds off. effort to show up in the best way. Of course,We need people who can be sensitive to not everything went back to the way it wasthings like that when we are going through and I couldnt expect it to, but there were in- it. deed lessons learnedones I wont need a review on any time soon.2. When you do get your squad established, Until I could process, accept, and learn todont push them away. Let them know they not ignore the ugliest cards life had dealt me,can show up for you and in turn, you will but instead embrace every single moment ofallow them to be there for you. my being, I couldnt truly love me. And if IIts easier said than done, but I encourage couldnt love meall of mehow could Iyou to take those rst steps as you walk this expect to trust that love would be shown bypath.Iassure you,it willbeanythingbut those closest to me in my darkest hours? Theeasy, but the people youre blessed to have truth is, I couldnt until I committed to takingwill make it bearable.17 msfocusmagazine.org'