b'Life with MSBBuuiillddYYoouurrSSqquuaadd,,KKeeeeppTThheemmCClloosseeVVuullnneerraabbiilliittyyiissuunnccoommffoorrttaabblleebbuuttnneecceessssaarryyBy Shambreki WiseVitals. Scans. Diagnosis. Treatment Plans.absolutely lost my sh*t (on the inside, of course). Follow-Ups. Repeat. As rough as chronic healthAfter two failed disease-modifying therapy issues can be, there are many plans and provenattempts, I nally found one that worked for methods that get people like me (and maybeme. Now, because life was being life, I feared you) through some of the roughest times aI would have to give up my golden ticket. Not persons body can go through. And, for thehaving an effective solution for MS reminded most part, they work.me of the nightmares I went through and I But what about the stuff cutting edgejust couldnt see how that could be my reality medicine doesnt x? What about the part ofagain. your life that needs to be grieved but youre tooAll the rage I thought I threw in the abyss in angry to grieve it? What about the relationship2017 after nding the one (A.K.A., my perfect you were building with that amazing personDMT), came right back up with a vengeance and now you have this news that your body isand I had nowhere to compartmentalize it. I dealing with a disease, and you cant see anwas very convincing with friends because I end at the time? What blueprint is there forknew I could get away with my hell on earth dealing with that? if I just smiled my way through things and Well, I guess that depends on where you arekept showing up enough to not raise concern. in your own spiritual, emotional, and mentalThats what people expected and thats what health journey. For me, as recently as this year,I gave them. No one knew how heartbroken, I struggled with this resolve. I didnt turn tofrustrated, scared, and everything else I really drugs or illegal activities. I actually presentedwas. very well. I did my job, I showed up as a mom,Which leads me to my next sad but true and even made progress with my business.realization of myself: I was sabotaging my But, on the inside, I was unraveling.own happiness because I would have rather LLoovvee,,IInnssppiitteeooff slayed this dragon exhausted and alone than After seven years of coexisting with MS,trust that another person would go through it I faced a possible cancer diagnosis, and Iwith me. I literally kept people at a distance msfocusmagazine.org 16'