b'Life with MSSmall Changes,Big DierencesBy Shambrekia Wise You walked through your pain for a The depression didn\'t hit until after mypurpose. That wasoneofthemessages MS diagnosis in October of 2015, but I justduring church. It was so funny because I thought I was tired and understandablyalmost didn\'t even go to that church, but frustratedfromadjustingtoeverything.everything happens for a reason, right? While much of my "lack" of everything was aRecently,mylittleoneandImoved,and result of MS, more quietly, depression waswhile we are almost out of boxes, I still realized claiming me. I had also lost my grandmotherI had some personal unpacking and purging that previous Christmas season, and I wasto do.still dealing with that. Few people know whatPeople who know me know I love to see "being alone in a crowded space" is like, butothers happy, and I love people in my space as of November 2015, I joined that club.to be joyful. Unfortunately, that was not If we were to fast forward to Nov. 14, 2018,always so easy for me. For the past four years, we would be at my daughter Sandy\'s birthday,I have lived with depression, but I kept quiet which was also the birthday of my late grand-for many reasons. At rst, I was alone because mother. I cried most of that day because I justI didn\'t tell anyone. My family and friends had a horrible time dealing with not only myloveme,andIknewit! Theyhavealways grandmother\'s loss, but my great-grandmother\'sbeen very present in my life, so human capital loss the year before in December, and I couldn\'tisn\'t the problem. I have never cared about shake this feeling of empty. I also was awaitingportraying an image, but I didn\'t want people a new treatment because my MS was gettingworrying about me. I didn\'t want people worse, and I felt like I was running out ofalwaysaskingmehowIwasbecause,on options. I felt horrible. I struggled even to tellsomedays,Ididn\'tevenknow.IknewI Sandy Happy Birthday because I was justneeded to work, I knew I needed insurance, I that sad. knew I needed to be an awesome mommy, That day was, ironically, also my rst dayand I knew I had to nd a norm because I of therapy, but we didn\'t talk much in thatwould never have that "old thang back" (AKA session. Through silent tears, I lled her in onthe way I used to be). the mountains I\'ve had to climb the last fewmsfocusmagazine.org 48'